I like to make the analogy that this blog was birthed from a compliment I had a hard time receiving. Someone I love and admire complimented my parenting. She said, “You are sooo very grounded in what is important about raising children.” I sat with that for months trying to digest and accept it.
At the time my kids were 4 and 1. I stayed home mostly, with some occasional work. I struggled to balance parenting, my self-care and personal growth, finances, and all kinds of emotions. Motherhood changed me, and I had to find safe space for all that encompassed. Every day I felt this teetering imbalance of an insatiable need to learn and acquire knowledge about parenting, life, and at the same time trying to tune out the din and listen to my innate wisdom. That I appeared to my aunt to ‘have it together,’ seemed laughable given my daily inner struggle. Yet I knew there was truth in it. People often came to me for advice. Could it be that how I felt was very normal, and nobody has it all together? I simply had been fighting to accept myself as my own light and source of wisdom. I’ve had amazing mentors, support, and friendships throughout my life and parenting journey, each of which have helped guide me. I’ve recently formed deep bonds of sisterhood that filled a void and allows me to derive so much strength. Becoming a mother required me to adapt my past visions of what a friendship looks and feels like.
A feeling of completeness has begun to take hold as I recognize that looking externally will help, but will not answer all my questions. I have a Masters of Science degree and I enjoy research and problem-solving. I also enjoy living in the moment and looking within. I have many depths, and I can be very simple too. I’ve learned that I don’t need to be an expert in all things, and striving for perfection leads to unhappiness that filters to my children. I’m a Libra and balance is my life’s quest. I can easily fall into black and white thoughts when I’m out of balance, and I need to find the shades of grey, and simply sit there, in all the color and uncertainty, and open myself up to receive insights.
My children have been my wisest teachers. I strive to better myself for them. I hope their childhood is one that helps them become adults who feel whole, safe, expressive, and perfect just as they are. They came into the world as perfect beings and I want them to remember that always. I’m a highly sensitive person, and like many of us, I’ve experienced trauma. Healing is a long journey, and I am fortunate to have awareness enough to look at my past with gratitude for the growth it has given me. I have so much empathy. I need to balance it with self-care. I am educated in conservation biology and am passionate about the natural world around us. The prairies are my home. I have walked many miles in their expansive variety, from vast crop fields, dense woodlands, life-giving wetlands, rolling hills, grasslands and rivers. I believe I have so much more to learn in this life, but rather than continue my passive role of absorbing information, I’m ready to share my gifts too and receive back from that energy. I have found awareness in the past year of an uprising of the divine feminine, and am inspired by this and by so many amazing women. We are all connected. Thank you for reading, sharing and walking with me. Let your light shine.